Barrons Gone Wild: Turkey

Claustrophobic selfie in Cappadocia

So here I am in the Underground City of Cappadocia.  When you are the same proportions as an NFL lineman, you tend to avoid places that begin with "underground," but here I am, choking down panic attacks as I squeeze through tunnels made strategically small to make for a tight fit for a normal person, but I am not a normal person.  It fit me like a wet sweater made of mind numbing claustrophobia.

We emerge to a pretty spacious room and I sit down on the lip of this trough/cistern thing to give my head some space to breathe and to calm down from the birthing I just had from the dusty tunnels.  From the periphery of my personal pep talk, I see our tour guide glide her outstretched hand towards where I was sitting and with snappy English and awkward vowels explains to the group that this was a winery.  I smile, feigning interest and pretend to be not completely losing my shit. 

Being in an, albeit secular, Islamic country that is a cradle of civilization with thousands of years of wine tradition, I should have known my beer choices would have been... limited.

The real Efes.

In Turkey, the beer lover has few choices: Pilsner or Dark Lager.  Being Turkey's largest multinational brewery, Anadolu Efes Brewery has a large chunk of the beer industry.  Even with recent competition from Miller and Beck's, Efes advertisements are everywhere and on every menu.  According to their investor fact sheet, Efes totes themselves as the 5th largest European brewery on a combined production basis and 12th in the world market.  As those numbers may imply to the beer savvy, it is no surprise that they use rice and high fructose corn syrup.



Efes Pilsner: When you have had one Euro-Lager... you get the idea.  Pours a clear crystal honey with an appropriate amount of head.  Crisp and refreshing, Hallertau hops lightly dance upon your tongue and slightly linger with this pilsner's iron/mineral finish.  If someone were to ask me what it tastes like I would just say, "Beer."  It's taste is like generic clip art you put in to add humor to your bland Power Point presentation.

I polished off three of these without batting an eye.  It wasn't until the hotel barman brought us stale Doritos and Raki (an anisette liquor) that Efes Pilsner started getting interesting, but that was probably the Raki.




Efes Dark:  Not much more to say, other than "Euro-Dark Lager."  Malty goodness that was maybe a little too sweet and its mineral finish a little too tinny.  Of all the beers I had in Turkey, this was probably the best, but considering its competition, I was more interested in the Toblerone McFlurry from McDonald's than the beers Turkey had to offer.

Tuborg Gold: I realize it's a Danish company, but Tuborg Gold was the only other option I had besides Efes.  A Euro-Lager that I found surprisingly dense, but annoyingly grassy.  Not much to say about it other than it paired well the sleep meds to help me survive a fourteen hour flight.

All Tied Up With Figure 8 Brewing

Recently, Figure Eight Brewing had a tap takeover at Tomlinson Tap room and the Barrons were invited to come enjoy their beers and hang with their head brewer, Mike Lahti.  I tried to remember where I had consumed their brews before, as they have had only a peppering of taps in Indy.  Then I remembered that somehow, through the gossamer daze that was the Microbrewers Fest this summer in Broad Ripple, I had liked their beers enough to drink two of them... out of the 55 I had that day.

The best part about writing about beer is that most people in the industry are exceptionally charismatic, or contain that "I'll do what I want" cowboy attitude that usually comes off as genuine, not asinine.  Figure 8 and Lahti are a wonderful example of when those two attitudes of passion and fuck all come together and express them perfectly in the brews they make, and the culture they create.

"Everyone squat low so that Lahti looks tall!"

I started with the usual brewer first pitch.  What did you do before you became a brewer and how did you get started?  Lahti's answer was surprisingly interesting.  He began his career as a Wildlife Biologist specializing in wolves.  Epic.  Home brewing was not the usual gateway for him as it is a lot of guys these days.  "I've probably home brewed maybe three times?  It's just not something that interests me." he explained.  A true brewing professional, he cut his teeth at breweries around the US and locally at Upland before heading up Figure 8.  Lahti brings a clean professionalism made obvious in his beers.

This naturally led into a discussion of where he felt F8 fit into the brewery belt buckle that wraps around Lake Michigan and that Northern Indiana is lucky to be apart of.  He elaborated on about how awesome it is to be in that path and how with new and exciting breweries popping up in Michigan as well and NW Indiana, a "Beer Trail" similar to the Bourbon Trail in Kentucky has formed.  "Just from Chicago to Grand Rapids, you can hit twelve solid breweries." Lahti explained.  Despite this regional coagulation of craft breweries, Lahti is looking elsewhere for future collaborations.  Lahti explained it well,  "I'm looking to collaborate with breweries out of state.  Bring new, awesome beer here and bring our name into another state."

Given the Midwest's German brewing heritage, to follow, or not to follow style is always the question.   "I make beer that I want to drink.  I haven't won any awards, or medals, but my sales numbers and production numbers are telling me that I am making good beer." Lahti told me with his index finger emphasizing the well made point his excited eyes were making.  "I'll look at the style guides and I'll follow them... and then I deviate."  This fiery, Grateful Dead lovin' brewer won me over with his "no fucks given" attitude.  It exuded from him as more of a confidence in his craft and a pride in his artistry and business, which was totally backed up by the beers I was drinking between Lahti's smiled filled answers.

The crew at F8 are a warm and welcoming bunch

With cans becoming more prevalent in the brewing world, the question of "Cans or Bottles?" has become the brewers equivalent of "Boxers or Briefs?"  Lahti was very eloquent about his reasoning.  Right now they're bottling, but they want to switch to cans because he likes the light-fastness and because of their proximity to Dunes State Park, where glass is not allowed, it would mean people could take F8 beer with them to their beach excursion.  Working with that same fact, Lahti is trying to get Nalgene growlers at the brew pub so that people could even bring growlers, not just bullets, to the park.  Great to see the Wildlife Biologist has never left his heart.

The future is bright for F8.  New production ideas, and creating out of state connections to make more awareness of other low flying breweries are all adding up to what looks like a great few years for F8.  Lahti, who confesses that Belgians are his favorite to drink and brew, bolsters his passion and genuine pride by spending a majority of the conversation praising other brewers and breweries in the state and abroad.  When asked who his personal favorite brewer in Indiana is: "Liz (Laughlin) at (Rock Bottom) College Park.  Hands down best brewer in Indiana."

The crew at F8 are a warm and welcoming bunch.  Bolstered by their great beers, the conversation was easy and jovial.  I don't know how many times, in the midst of laughing, the phrase, "That's off the record." was uttered.  Figure 8 has definitely left an impression.  Those from the North I'm sure already know this, but I cannot wait until F8 beers like Ro Shampo or Raven Tor start to penetrate the already saturated and competitive Indianapolis market... and succeed.

The Best posts of 2013 you probably never read

No matter how dedicated you are to our awesomeness, you may have missed some really great content. We're each putting together some of our favorite posts that didn't make our top ten posts this year. With a few hundred written there was a big list to choose from. These are all totally posts that you should check out if you missed them the first go around. Cheers!

The Big Guy: 

1. Although there is nothing better than a wax topped bomber, we have to keep up with technology. Cans are in fact the way of the future. Sun King, Flat 12, Daredevil, Great Crescent and many many more are leading the way in IN.
2. Grapefruit Jungle is one of my all time favorite IPAs. O-Dawg did a great job with the write-up, if you missed GFJ this year, make sure you DO NOT miss it next year. I'd put this against Pliny and Heady Topper any day.
3. The trading community isn't huge but its important that we keep Indiana looking good. Here are some guidelines for trading beers so you don't look like an asshole your first time around.

The BrewniBomber:

I'm newer to the blog, so I won't be nominating any of my own posts, but you can see them here. Events are one my favorite parts of the beer community:

1. I volunteered at DigIN this year, which is a newer event and I highly recommend you go next year. While I didn't write about my volunteer experience O-Dawg did. Plus, if you look closely you'll see yours truly in one of the DigIN photos!
2. I did attend the Indiana Summer Microbrewers festival and personally had a great experience, but you can see what others had to say here, here, and here
3. I was bummed I missed the inaugural CANvitational and would've liked to volunteer like O-dawg (someone should tell him that he needs to actually work when volunteering), but alas I was drinking lots and lots of beer in San Diego at the time. It got some attention, but the Little Lady's interview with Sun King's Clay Robinson is worth another read.

El Duque:

Going through the Beer Barons posts for the year was pretty epic.  Unbelievably amazing year in Indiana.

1. For my self nomination, I choose my posts on European beers that are either breaking rules like American craft, or help us gain perspective on pillars of traditional style to help get a better grounding.  Although debatable, I think having posts about breweries that are not common, but have been around for HUNDREDS of years are important to the American drinker.  I also have a school girl crush on Freigeist Bierkultur, so there's that.  You can read them here, here, here, here, here, and of course, more to come!
2. I geeked out for this beer and I think it showed in this post that was probably the best one I've written so far.  A lot of beers are getting Bretts added to them, but Anchorage are slaying it.
3. The Stone Vertical Epic tasting party was definitely a highlight of the year.  With all the bloggers there indulging in beer pairings and an amazing series of beers it was just... it was a coalescence of everything everyone in this blog has been trying to do.  Since then, things have only gotten better with laser focus.  Here are the different posts from the bloggers presented in chronological order: El Duque The Big Guy, Professor Beer

Professor Beer:

I am partial our The Scene posts, they are about more than the beer -- places you might go to enjoy that beer.  They also seem to often fly under the radar (with Savage's Ale House being the obvious exception).

1. Three Floyds - Our road trip up to Three Floyds was a lot of fun (despite the sunburn on my freshly shaved dome), and the brewpub was spectacular.  I highly recommend the pilgrimage for any Indiana beer aficionado.
2. Union Brewing Company - I always appreciate new local beer (and, for me, you can't get much more local than the UBC; since they're within walking distance of my place), and they definitely have an interesting niche producing (almost) exclusively cask ales.
3. Tin Man Brewing Company - I've always enjoyed Tin Man's theme, and their tasting room looks like a cool place to grab a brew.  I have not been there yet, but I have been meaning to make the trip down for a while.
4. Brew Dog - While Brew Dog may be less applicable to our average reader (not being in the country, let alone Indiana), it is certainly an interesting place, and seems to be worth visiting if you ever happen to be in the area.

O-Dawg:

We'll see where this takes us...

1. Guess what?  Goose Island's Bourbon County Stout is still awesome... Even though they got eaten by the big Bad AB InBev.  Check out The Big Guys Evolution of a Stout!
2. Speaking of awesome stouts...  I can't pontificate more about 1221 from Fountain Square Brewing.  Judging from the hits you guys must have missed the review.  Here it is again!
3. Canned beer makes it to more parties than bottled.  A little blast from the past in the Month of May, Beers to drink at the speedway!

Top 10 Posts of 2013

We had a fantastic time this year checking out new beer, new places to drink beer, new beer-related events, and new things to make the beer-drinking experience better. We do these things for you, and it seems like you're having at least a little bit of fun with us.

These were the most visited posts of 2013.

1. The Big Guy's Beer Gear introducing the new IPA glass created by Dogfish Head and Sierra Nevada.

2. The Big Guy's Beer Gear about the Teku glass, the universal beer tasting glass

3. El Duque's Scene where we visited Savages Ale House in Muncie Indiana

4. O-Dawg's POURsuasion talking about craft beer vs crafty beer in our market

5. O-Dawg's POURsuasion where he enlightens us about the difference between beer and a shandy.

6. El Duque's tried to help us all use beer to shed a few extra ponds with Gator-Ale.

7. Professor Beer's review on the glory that is Union Brewing Company's Cannonball Doyle.

8. The Big Guy talks about the importance of drinking your IPA's right now while it's fresh

9. O-Dawg brings you in to a new and totally under loved festival with Oktobeerfest by Mad Anthony.

10. The Big Guy gives us the run down on all of the pumpkin beers with a Barron's blind taste test.

As our first full year as a blog comes to a close we wanted to make sure to thank you all for reading. Without you and the craft beer community there really is no reason for us to be writing. Through your love and attention we've grown pretty quickly this year and hope to bring you even more awesome content next year.

Cheers!

A Wish List to Beer Santa (The Ghost of Indy's beer future)

Dear Santa,

We here at the Beer Barons have been very good this year. We haven't been thrown out of many bars. We have always finished our beers. We've kept spills to a minimum, and we have always invited our friends to share in the splendor that is the Indiana craft beer scene. We're extremely appreciative of that scene, but like all kids (or kids at heart) we want more stuff! So we've put together a short list for Santa of the things that we'd all like to see happen in the Indy beer scene... we don't expect this to all happen by next Christmas, but maybe some will if we're extra good this coming year!

The BrewniBomber:
1. Realistically I would love to see Ballast Point (San Diego, CA) distribute here. Not so realistically- Alpine Brewing Co (just outside San Diego)

2.  For the west side of town (Avon, Plainfield, etc.) to get an actual real-life craft beer bar or high-quality production brewery. Cutter's is here and there's some hope with Cartel Brewing coming early 2014, but a beer bar? Nothing close. I live out here and it sucks having to drive 30 minutes plus to get a decent craft beer on tap. There's a lot of people out here and a lot of new retail popping-up… one could wish for one of those spots to be a decent bar and not another pizza joint (there's a lot of them out here for some reason).

3. For a "destination" brewery to establish itself in Indy in 2014. Don't get me wrong, there's some amazing breweries here in town, but I would like to see someone become a destination that beer geeks flock to. Think Stone, Russian River, Three Floyd's, Founder's, Cigar City, Hill Farmstead, etc. These types of breweries exist in towns large and small, so why not Indy?  I think there are some existing breweries that are on the verge and who knows what one of the 30-plus slated breweries will bring to the table.

The Big Guy:
1. I want world peace and good will towards men.. who am I kidding? Realistically, I would like to see either Jester King or Prairie start selling more of their limited one off beers here (I know I'm cheating a little bit but I'd love to see these guys bring all the amazing beers we have to trade for here with their regular line up). I'd also be giddy with some childlike excitement if Cigar City started distributing to Indy in any capacity. I LOVE Jai Alai.

2. I'd love to see some of the current breweries, like Bier and UBC start bottling, and guys like Flat 12, Fountain Square and Triton do more outside the box seasonal brews in four packs or bombers. There is some great beer being made in the breweries and brew pubs, I just wish it could get into a bottle so I could enjoy it at home.

3. I want Indy to get more notoriety! I want Santa to bring our great state the recognition it deserves as a great place to get craft beer.

El Duque:
1.  My X-mas dreams came true this year when Oskar Blues and Green Flash, my two favorite national breweries starting distributing here, so what else could I hope for?  As much as I would love to see beer flow in from the West even more with breweries like Russian River, Cascade, or Ballast Point, and my new favorite, Cigar City, what I want is more Midwestern beers distributing to the Midwest like Revolution or New Glarus.  Yeah, New Glarus.  Strawberry Rhubarb Lambic: WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF.

2.  I want 2014 to be the year of the six pack for Indy breweries.  I realize that Indiana's liquor laws make growlers such a success, but I want to share and brag and not be forced to drink all that beer, or as I normally do, cook with it.  If Fountain Square Brewing could do a limited bottling of their 1221 stout, I would rip of my shirt and set my beard on fire; a conflagration of joy.

3.  I want a real brew pub.  Upland is trying.  Broad Ripple Brew Pub will always remain mediocre.  Brugge is a restaurant with an inconsistent list of beers.  My dream would be to see a Gastro-pub approach for a brewery's brew pub.  We're looking at you Sun King and Fountain Square.  Both have solid line ups.  Both are bottling.  Both have claustrophobic tasting rooms.  Sun King stands alone in its brand recognition, but the problem with Indy is that it doesn't really have a food or beer culture that is broad enough for a Gastro Brewpub to really take off, but I can dream about pairing pork belly and hops.

O-Dawg:
1.  I want Toppling Goliath and Surly to distribute in Indiana.  Ever since I heard that a month old pseudoSue blew a three day old Zombie Dust out of the water I have been interested in trying anything from this small self proclaimed stealth brewery.  Let's be Frank, and not Pete, on the second choice...  having regular access to Coffee Bender and Abrasive would make me a happy kid any day of the year!

2.  I know Joe and Josh will hate me for saying this (I empathize) but I would love to have Pinko and/or Big Black Dog 68  more often.  Make a big batch when you brew and store kegs away for release gradually through the year, bottle it, ANYTHING!  I would just love to enjoy it more often than I do currently.

3.  Third and final wish for the year... Competition.  I am tired of hearing about this brewery or that brewery "coming soon" to the Indy Craft Beer Scene.  Grow some balls and open for business already.  Competition breeds creativity.  When brewers and Breweries are creative it makes being a craft beer junkie a fun ride to be on in Indy!

The Little Lady:
1. I've been lucky enough to sample some really great beers over the past year at different events and with the trades the Big Guy has been getting. We've also had a chance to visit some of those breweries in person. The top two on my list- Revolution and TallGrass.

2. In 2014, I want to get more involved in the Big Guy's home-brewing. You'll notice that isn't on his list anywhere ;-). Now that my BJCP exam is complete, I really want to get a better idea for the process and the science involved. I'd like to experiment more with flavor combinations and what goes in to making the beer I like to drink. I totally admit that opening our own brewery is kind of a pipe dream- but this is a good first step.

3. I want to keep discovering new breweries next year. Maybe that will be some of the new breweries opening up in Indiana next year. Maybe that will be taking some more quick weekend trips to see new things. We're already going to Kentucky later this winter and you know that we'll be sampling some local favorites- beer and bourbon. Other trips we've talked about are Michigan and Chicago, and I'm sure we'll make it out to Ohio at least once. Maybe Pennsylvania? Yeah, those last two are really just excuses to go visit family. There's a lot of great beer out there, and I want to see more of it come to me, but until that happens I'll go where the beer is.

"No, Grandma, Sam Adams really isn't craft beer..." (My ghost of Christmas's past)

For the devoted, beer is like the postman: rain or shine, holidays and birthdays, it always delivers.  For us, craft beer, nay, good beer, has just become the habit of our lives.  We have created and implemented systems that allow our addiction, I mean, hobby, to be at our disposal at any time, ready to fill that bomber sized hole when that dry itch whispers, "beer me."

At home, we have our seasonal stouts and winter warmers and an immediate family that wouldn't balk at seeing us put down these heavy beers with our honeyed ham, but the Winter holidays come with unique social baggage that sometimes doesn't work out for the beer lover.  Here are some holiday challenges and anecdotes of my own personal holidays past, uh, triumphs.

1.  "Hi honey, I know you love craft beer so I got you some Boston Lager..."

There is a reason people think Boston Brewing Co., Blue Moon, and Leinenkugel are "craft beers:" they have lots of money to advertise.  My mom has given up trying to anticipate my beer needs and just has a fridge of High Life decorated as reindeer with pipe cleaner antlers, red pompom noses, and googly eyes.  David Lynch-ness aside, I have learned that a simple conversation can fix the rein-beer situation.  I call my mom up and ask her if she wants me to give her some beer suggestions, or if she wants me to use my expertise to bring some great craft beer to pair with the meal.  This simple act will make you seem polite, engaged and involved with the holiday meal.  Boom.  Good beer and +3 socks. Thanks Mom.

2.  "I can't believe you brought beer.  You know (Aunt or Uncle) Blah-Blah are on the wagon..."

Sorry you missed the memo.  My solution is that when I go to a party or family get together, I always leave the beer in the car, unless I followed my advice from number one where I called ahead. Go in, scope it out, ask a couple of polite, yet subtle questions and figure out if your awesome stash in the car is able to be cheer and joy the whole night.

3.  My Grandma is a Teetotaler.

As a kid, my grandma's fridge was my art gallery.  I apply this to my beer drinking as well.  My grandma's family abstains from alcohol, but I obviously don't.   Solution?  I bring a bottle or two of home brew.  Alcohol is bad, but I made it and Gam Gam is just so proud she can't hate it that much, right?

4. Be A Craft Brew Ambassador

Okay, so you've made the polite phone call, or left the brew in the car, and the situation is clear, but all you see are a bunch of, uh, well seasoned party goers and Michelob Ultra.  It's time to be the dude.  Bringing beer that is delish AND easily accessible is key.  People will notice that you are not drinking the same beer as everyone else and conversation will ensue.  Share the brew, have an impromptu tasting, hand them a Beer Barons business card, be the beer ambassador.  Inform the uninformed and maybe next year, you will be greeted with a Sixpoint Global Warming instead of a Blue Moon.

The holidays don't have to be so bad.  Just try to be mindful of how beer fits into other people's lives and celebrations so that you can share your passions merrily and not feel like an awkward shit when Uncle John goes into detox seizures at the sight of your slightly warmed Cherry Port Chocolate Stout.

Oudbeitje, You betcha!

I've put a lot of sour things in my mouth.

For example, in summer camp as young lads, we would spend all our money at the canteen on sour warheads and see who could hold the most in their mouth without spitting them out, crying, or suffering from acute organ failure.  Despite burning off the lining of my cheeks and rendering all camp food tasteless (which was for the better), I still have an affinity for sour things.  Chocolate bars are great, but my preferred candy boon are sweet tarts and their ilk.

With the previous anecdote illuminated, it should be no surprise that from my first taste of a lambic, there has always been a special place in my heart and digestive lining for sour beers.  Ironically, I picked this up right after Prof. Beer and I had a discussion about how he feels like a more sour beer is just over the horizon and nothing really has accepted the challenge of his ambitious palate.  Literally twenty-four hours later and boom, this little unassuming and hard to pronounce strawberry lambic (or aardbeinenlambiek) is staring back at me from crowded Dutch style shelves, whispering soured black magic and making my poor, scarred cheek lining glisten with anticipation.

Have you ever been punched in the face?  It really sucks the first time, but after that, it's never as bad as the first time.  That is until you met Mike Tyson and he left you with a shattered jaw and negative three teeth.  I processed Prof. Beer's words as I poured out this strawberry blonde ale.  I smelled its acidic barnyard nose with strawberry buried deep, and I was excited to pucker and smack, but then all thought was washed away in what felt like a tidal wave made of fireworks, if those fireworks were made from the boot of every all-powerful god that smote men like ants.  So yeah, Mike Tyson.

This deceptive strawberry lambic sounds unassuming, but is one of the more powerful lambics I've had.  This is not for the sour faint of heart.  The strawberry is buried deep in the grassy lemon peel/apple vinegar, very similar to Upland's strawberry lambic.  I served it chilled.  You should definitely serve it chilled.  As it warmed up, the flavors opened up, including the sour funk.  Don't get me wrong, I am in love with all these things, but this is sipped, not thrown down like the girlishness attached to its strawberry moniker would make it seem.  I suggest breaking out the champagne flutes with some friends on this one.  Quality, not quantity.

Summer camp taught me a lot about extreme tastes, hazing, and dehydration, which are all things that have helped me survive my career as a formidable drinker, which is exactly how I would describe Hanssen's Artisinal Oudbeitje.  Formidable.

I puckered up and gave it a 4 out 5 heads

Gatorade? More Like Gator-Ale

In the summer, the yearly discussion (which for the Barons means lots of yelling and guttural yaups) comes up around which beer is the best after mowing the lawn, or at a BBQ, or at the race, or whatever hot and sweaty bullshit we have to deal with outside in a swampy Indiana summer.  It always comes down to quaffability, overall feeling of well being, and then taste.

How does this apply to November?

Now the devout body shapers start ramping up their cardio to fight the winter bulk, or the little man syndrome weight lifter planning to embrace his winter bear fat and try and inflate like an anemic balloon.  For the rare few for whom body maintenance AND beer loving come together, a study came out earlier this year from a Spanish University which showed that compared to water, your better choice for a post workout quencher should be beer.

That's right.  SCIENCE.  The Church of Fact said, "Whenst thou hast thy sweaty balls, drinketh the malted grain."

Before you start hauling a six pack to your gym and the trainers have an intervention for you, lets look a little more specifically how beer (and its alcohol content) affects your body post workout.

First, the study from Granada University said that the carbonation of the beer helps quench the thirst and its carb content helps replace the lost calories from the work the body just put in, since in a 30 minute workout, your body can produce enough heat to brew three cups of coffee.  The results said that beer was "slightly better than water" so take that for what it is: you don't have to feel bad for cracking open a beer after a run, but it's not a single cure all.

Secondly, people always talk about the "beer belly" and that beer is bad for fat loss, which is only kind of true.  Beer has such a low carb count it's a 0 on the glycemic index, so the only detriment to fat loss is if you haven't taken its calories into your planned allotment.  Crush two Guinness and you have the caloric content of a Big Mac, so be prepared when the porters, stouts and malty beers start dominating your frigid summer.

Lastly, if you are like me and are currently bulking up on muscle, alcohol is a bummer.  It significantly slows down protein synthesis and muscle growth, so if you're weightlifting, be more aware of the timing of your brews.

As to what kind of beer to drink, it's simple.  Your favorite frat basement tasting light beer, or if you can't sacrifice your palate or aren't a product of their broke ass roots like me and always have a fridge full of cheap beer, go for a high taste session-able IPA, or other hoppy incarnation, just stay away from those malty treats.

Also, please don't put beer in Gatorade bottles.  People will think you are on too much Meth.  Or that you are drinking your own pee like Tom Crean.

Bellegams Bruin

The first time I had this beer I was at the local beer-topia of Twenty Tap.  My lady and I have a pension for sours and on the beer list was Brugge's oft respected Harvey and Bockor's Bellegam Bruin.  An improptu sour off was decided.  I had no idea what kind of beer I was getting other than the style being listed as "sour."  The waitress dropped off the lady's straw colored Harvey and my deep copper Oud Bruin and the server informed me is was a Flanders Sour ale.  Ooh!  Like Monk's Cafe!

Bockor's Bellegam Bruin was instantly delicious and tart.  Monk's Cafe is also delightfully sour, but other than that, the flavors tend to be under powered and leather bland.  Bellegams malts are big and sweet and all their flavors come through beautifully.

A West Flanders Brown ale is a bottom fermented ale with caramelized malts and mixed with lambic and finally aged in oak barrels for 18 months.

Typical to the style, a vinegar nose lights up the saliva glands and the first tastes of sweet malts and bready yeasts give way to a comfortable tart bitterness.   Bellegam's Bruin has a nice meaty-ness to it and really tucks the sour nicely into the brown ale's inherent cherry plums and round sweetness.

It's not overwhelmingly good, but neither is it as bland as the more popular Monk's Cafe.  It is very approachable for a sour and is great with red meat or especially Twenty Tap's savory and tangy Mush-reuben.

And in case you were wondering, my choice of the Oud Bruin won the sour taste off.

The Tide and Its Takers

photo courtesy of Anchorage Brewing Company

Like Ahab's white whale, this beer is a beast worth of devotion and furious obsession.  It deserves to be serenaded with sonnets and ballads strum upon pearlescent lutes leafed in hazy gold to match the yellow hued straw of this bottled sunlight.

Whereas big Imperial stout, or rich chocolate porters conjure images of dark velvets and language that is as laced and heady as a deep red wine, this Trippel, imbued with Bretts in an Oak Chardonnay barrel, is just as decadent, but with contrasting lightness.

It pours out like straw colored champagne and retains its head and lacing like the aforementioned beverage.  It holds a nice golden light and gives off a soft nose of yeast and lemon.  The addition of Bretanomyces really takes a solid Trippel and makes an incredibly nuanced beer more akin to wine than a straightforward beer.

Anchorage Brewing Company has really mastered the use of Bretts and have not feared the big bad monster of "wild yeasts."  Embracing the fact that they have been around souring beers before the discovery of sanitizing in the 19th century, it's another connection bridging modern brewing with the traditions of the past.  It's fitting that Belgians haven't shied away from this beast and for Anchorage to throw it into a Trippel is a nice touch

The tropical, peppery, earthy-ness that is lent to Bretts creates such a unique and subtle backbone to this exquisite Belgian.  You still get the zesty lemon/grapefruit, but it seems to be infused with an apple-pear crispness and the oak and chardonnay tartness really add to the surprisingly robust flavor. All that sharp and airy tartness has Bretts breath through it and adds that wonderful, earthy funk.

The name of this beer is spot on.  It really does feel like the ocean.  Light, breezy, wild, and satisfying to the core.

As far as Bretts beers go, this one is insanely approachable.  It would turn on any wine drinker with its white wine aspects.  It's not aggressively sour or funky and that's the beauty.  It takes an established style and elevates it to something wonderful.  A white whale in this under sailed sea of Bretts beers.

"...the waves should rise and fall, and ebb and flow unceasingly; for here, millions of mixed shades and shadows, drowned dreams, somnambulisms, reveries; all that we call lives and souls, lie dreaming, dreaming, still; tossing like slumberers in their beds; the ever-rolling waves but made so by their restlessness."
-Henry Melville, Moby Dick

5 adoring heads out of 5

The Drunk Dog Days of Summer

Beer has always been brewed and consumed on a seasonal basis.  It's natural.  Birds fly, cats hate dogs, and a grown ass bearded man doesn't drink an imperial milk stout after mowing the lawn in 95 degree weather.

As natural as seasonal brewing schedules are, I thought I had a good handle of what constitutes a good summer beer, but after haunting a summer of BBQs and get togethers, I found that what I thought would be the usual warm weather culprits were as varied as styles of ale.

In my curiosity, I've been asking everyone I know, from cicerones to bros what there favorite hot day summer beer are.  Below, I will break down the groups they fall into:

A Hick on Vacation: This moniker belongs to the wonderful beverage of a PBR with a lime wedge.  Shitty beers with limes in them have always been a favorite of mine.  It's light, it's quaffable, and the lme cuts through whatever shitty beer you put it into and gives it a bright citrus lift.  This is my, as well as the majority of hard workin 'Mericans favorite grill out bevie.

The Pale Wheat: Of the craft beers, I overwhelmingly saw American Pale Wheat Ales dominate this summer.  Beers like Three Floyd's Gumballhead, Lagunitas Lil Sumpin, Sumpin, and Bells Oberon.  In America, it seems like this is becoming the big summer brew.  It's pushing out what used to be staples like Wit and Helles beers.  Mass produced lagers may dominate the world, but American Pale Wheat Ales are taking over firework filled, smoked meat summers.

IPA is a Year Round Brew: Even after an afternoon of sweaty yard work, or a few hours of slogging snow off of the driveway, a good IPA always sounds good, especially if it's session-able like Schalfly Can Sessions IPA, or Founders All Day IPA.

An American on Vacation: Kolsch has seen a huge revival this summer with national and local breweries churning out their attempt at a German staple.  This unique lager has captured the American tastebud, and it's technical brewing process has peaked the craft brewers' curiosity.  The New York Times even had an article about its popularity.  There is also the usual cadre of Witbeirs from Blue Moon to Omegang Wit to sate that sweet tangy palate.

Well, That's Weird: Finally, the surprises of the summer were Sours.  I realize that sours are becoming insanely popular and that they involve fruits, but I didn't really think that people would be so excited about killing these funky sweet tarts.  Berlinerweisse style beers are a solid summer choice.  Bells Oarsman is a six pack easy to pair with any grilled meat, or sun soaked sweat-fest.  The absolute weirdest beer I received in response was Monk's Flemmish Ale, a favorite of mine on a cool fall night, but after hauling fifty pounds of mulch... no thanks.

I realize this recent summer weather has been more conducive to a Porter than a refreshing Kolsch. If you have lived in Indiana long enough you know that this means once August is in full swing, we will be in the 90s til Halloween.

Indiana Microbrewers Festival 2013: General Admission

Being one of the Plebes, I was only able to obtain a General Admission ticket, and I definitely felt it... at first.

Our tickets were scanned, our IDs checked, and staff reminded us to be responsible.  We were oddly shuffled through the lines into one pressing mob, which seemed apropos to my plebeian metaphor.


The sweaty rabble had a wonderful buzz of humanity.  The press got the blood going and built up the excitement which peaked when the staff released us into the breach, bottled sunlight awaiting us.

It was then that the romantic shades stopped and the joyous grind of beer after beer began.

This is why I said I felt cheapened by my general admission ticket.  There was a palpable electricity waiting to come in and it was quickly diffused when we walked swiftly into the baseball field to see the tents already full.  It felt like I had missed out, which only spurned us on more.

It was a din of delight and friends.  A low roar of conversations filled the park and only added to the madness of slogging back beer after beer.  Line after line.  Critiques and smiles abounded.

In addition to slinging back beers, I was able to do a keg toss, check out food trucks for something other than poison to put in my belly, enjoy bluegrass bands through out the day and reconnect with old friends.  It was everything a beer fest should be. 

I was really impressed with the way the organizers were able to get so many breweries from around the country and how so many of those breweries brought their A-game.  Here is a list of my impressions of this years fest:

Biggest Standout: Sun King.  Hate all you want, but they slayed. Two of their beers are in my Top 5 and I watched them tap Pink Taco and have it completely consumed in 5 minutes.  AN ENTIRE KEG OF BEER GONE IN 5 MINUTES.

Biggest Suprise: The event itself.  Lines were fast and efficient. People were nice and friendly.  Usually when alcohol is involved, some people tend to show themselves, but not a shitty asshole was in attendance that day.  But as far as breweries go, Iechyd Da was the biggest surprise.  I came for the Breakfast Cookies, and stayed for... well... everything else.

Best New Find: People's Brewing Nitro IPA.  Their IPA is good.  On nitro it's magical.  Never had a Nitro IPA and the mouthfeel and full flavor really turn a solid IPA into a true treat.  Even if I was fuzzed out at this point.

Darkhorse: Lakeside Brewery.  I knew nothing about them before coming in, and then I kept tasting their brews and they kept impressing me.  Their cherry chocolate malty heaven Volume I was in my top 3.

Best Selection: Against the Grain.  One of the few booths where I wanted them all.  Bonus points for an extra pour at 5:00pm.  Flat 12 gets runner up for having ten to six hundred and thirty two pony kegs of different beers.  

Sexiest Server: Eric Fox, Flat 12 Brewery.  Also have to mention New Day Meadery for always being the warmest, most welcoming people. Mrs. Doubtfire couldn't sell brews better.  

Weirdest Brews:  Weirdest doesn't mean bad, and ZwanzigZ was amazing.  Beer that tasted like chocolate.  Beer that tasted like blueberries. Mix em together and what do you get?  A hokey pokey of happiness.  Also their Ghost Chili Stout cracked my top ten, and my tastebuds

Top Five: 

1. Sun King- Pappy Fog (Barrel Aged Belgian Quad.  This is not beer, it's unicorn blood.)

2. Lakeside Brewery- 25th Anniversary Volume I (Imperial Stout.  I wish I could have this cellared to enjoy on a cold day and biblically weep tears of joy)

3. Planetary Brewing Company- Apeshit (AIPA Sweet, great malts, just hoppy enough, and right amount of booze.  Insanely balanced beer.  I want sixty more.)

4. Sun King- Pink Taco (Sour Ale.  I hate putting two beers by the same brewery on my list but it's such an impressive sour.)

5. Iechyd Da- Cantankerous Irish Red (Irish Red Ale.  Pretty sure it's the best I've ever had.  Full flavor, but is so smooth its like it's made out of amber silk sheets.)

Honerable Mentions:

Tin Man Brewery- Circuit Bohemian Pilsner

Half Moon Restaurant and Brewery- The KokoMonster

Three Pints Brew Pub- Yoshi's Nectar

52 beers.  One and a half gallons consumed.  17% of the beers offered.  4 hours.

Summer now has a new holiday.

*Thanks to Amanda Green for the photographic documentation and Eric Fox for letting me post a picture of him in a bowling pin costume while I drunkenly giggled in the background.

Barons Gone Wild: Front Street Brewery

A Baron on vacation is like hanging out with the Red Hat Society on an antiquing trip.  Plans are made.  Meticulous research eats up data plans.  Every shack with the slight offer of new beer is explored, analyzed and resutls are disseminated.

So yeah, I got made fun of and my lady may have realized too late what she had gotten into, especially when I got beer snob pissy at Front Street Brewery.

On the drive from Topsail into Wilmington, there were 5-6 billboards exclaiming how much fun I would have at this brewery.  Like the sarcastic asshole I am, of course I made fun of them.  Seriously, who needs that many billboards for a brewery and then markets it like it's Indiana Beach?  The ADHD got the better of me and I then spent the rest of the trip fantasizing what it would be like if Indiana Beach was a beer theme park.  I know, being me is awesome.

A beautiful old building in historic downtown Wilmington, it was in a centrally located spot.  A giant old hardwood bar, and their "brewery" filled the bottom floor and patrons were shuffled off to the second story loft seating with a beautiful Victorian style ceiling which I admired, considering in was about two inches from my face.  With all the heavy wood and claustrophobic embellishments, it definitely had a pub feel.

My journey to this family and Bro friendly brewery started off on the wrong foot.  They committed the #1 sin of a brewery:  not having the beers on their menus.

 

I ordered what sounded like a weird, funky sour and got pumped. Waitress came back with everyone's beers except mine and told me that they were out.  Annoyed, I ordered another and tempered my mood with the appetizer we had ordered.  A MUG OF BACON.

Once again, she returned with no beer in hand.  Now I'm grumpy.  I don't need to rant on about that but I've been there.  I've been a server, but come on.  If you don't have a beer, then tell the servers so they can tell me AT THE TABLE and not make me wait 10 minutes between each trip.   It's whatever, and things happen, but expect me to be happy about it, especially when my third choice of beer was terrible.

I settled on their Wee Heavy.  I will give this beer a one sentence review, because that is all it deserves.It was flat, bland, the malts were off and it was too sweet, but in a bad way.  They should have taken this beer and dumped it in the Cape Fear river, because at least there it will actually get lost and forgotten.
 

So now I'm annoyed, grumpy, and pissed that I paid $8 for a beer I had to chug out of spite.  From out of nowhere, Front Street Brewery redeemed itself.  My friend quietly spoke up and said, "Luke, calm down and try this."  What followed will be put in my top three Scottish Ales of all time.  Damn. I just stared at it... And then the moment was broken by a BBQ Beef brisket burp.

This brewery is awkward. They either knock it out of the park, or fail.  Hard.

You can't always judge a brewery by its billboards...

 

I give Front Street Brewery a quizzical 3. Should be less, but that Scotch Ale was amazing and the food was decent.

The Wee heavy incurs my wrath with a 1.

I almost made sweet love to the Scotch Ale at the table. 5 heads.

New Day Meadery

I've lived in Fountain Square for the last year and always ignored New Day.  I saw the people that went there and the aesthetics of the place and my response was always, "Booshie fucks." Unbeknownst to me, my punk rock disdain was keeping me from one of Indy's more interesting places to grab a drink.

I realize that this is a beer blog and meads, another fermentable drink, are not really beer. What got me thinking was that one of Professor Beer's favorite drinks was New Day's Imperial Breakfast Magpie. A wonderful brew with a short run, it made me question what New Day had to offer to the already saturated Indy beer scene.


What they brought was a refreshing, unique way of presenting brews that blur the line of beer, braggot, and mead into a taproom that offers a spectrum of fermentables.


New Day offers ciders, honey wines and still meads, as well as their product in mixed cocktails. The taproom is small and modern.  Clean, minimal design with the "bar" being waist high with no chairs to encourage a more engaged customer, as well as little lounge areas finished with plump couches.  It's comfortable and high brow, which is a contrast to the typical blue collar aesthetic of breweries.


Their ciders are crisp and clean and they offer varieties that perfectly run the gambit from a dry palate smacked to a sweet, sugary drunk apple juice.  The two brews of special importance to the BEER barons would be the ReThinker and the Snap Dragon.


The ReThinker is my favorite offering at New Day.  It's a sparkling blueberry mead that has been dry hopped with Cascade hops. I'm not a fruit beer guy, but damn, this is good.  Fruit sweet complemented with the bright, but bitter hops that lend some floral notes just makes for a surprisingly complex brew.  It's weird to say this, but definitely 4.5 heads on this one.


The Snap Dragon is what I think Blue Moon would taste like if it actually tasted good.  It's a mix of apricot and honey wine as well as orange peel, corriander, Hallertau hops, and Belgian Wit yeast.  Yeah, exactly.  It is as awesome as it sounds. I'm personally not a big fan of Belgian Wits or corriander, but I could drink this all summer.  4 happily surprised heads.


New Day Meadery is another feather in Indianapolis' brewers cap.  Despite its high brow aesthetic, the brews are all incredibly approachable and you could take a date, your mom, and even have a bro date with a fellow beer blogger and not be ashamed that two giant men are quaffing honey brews and are surprisingly drunk.  Like Vikings!

The Big Guy: We were totally like vikings. New Day Meadery is like one part winery, one part brewery and one part swanky coffee house. The atmosphere is trendy and upscale, but the people behind the bar are knowledgeable and easy to talk to. This is definitely one of the classier places I have been while doing "research" for this blog. The Little Lady is already mad at me for going with El Duque instead of her. Unlike El Duque I AM a big fan of wits and coriander especially on a hot Indiana summer day, so Snap Dragon was my favorite mead they had on tap. I couldn't believe how light, refreshing and close in flavor to a solid summer beer this was. What New Day is doing really is their own sort of craft creations blending mead, ciders and some really cool elements from beer. I can't wait to make this place part of my regular growler fill Friday rotation.

I Heart Deesko

When it comes to beer, Germany is THE WORST, aber ich lieben sie immer noch*

The Berliner Weisse style typifies the discombobulation that is contemporary German beer culture.  As made evident by previous posts of German brews, I have made an effort to connect with brewing, drinking, and my own personal heritage. I have been doing a lot of digging into the beer of my mother country, since a cultural bastard has to pick which parent he spends Christmas with, right?  I had this utopian idea of German beer.  German styles are a part of American beer vernacular, but in Germany, the Lager Revolution in the early 1800's killed 99% of German styles.  The US and Germany suffer from the same problem, massive overcapacity has led to a cut throat supermarket beer industry where the cheapest beer wins.  I could go on and on about the ills plaguing the modern German beer culture, but there is one major difference that leads to my frustration: Germany hasn't had a mircobrew revolution...yet.

Germany has about 1200 breweries in a country with the same land mass as Montana.  There is only ONE brewery that brews and bottles the Berliner Weisse syle of beer.  ONE.  Yes, Berliner Weisse is like Trappist ale and Kölsch in that it is protected by the AOC and can only legally be brewed in Berlin, but Berlin is not a small place.  I need both hands to count on where I can locally find a Berliner Weisse.  There's always been discussion about the pedestal of quality German beers sit on.  The Reinheitsgebot and an inflated sense of importance have led to a severe lack of introspection.  It is unfathomable to think that Americans have helped unearth Germany's mythical old styles and brought them to the forefront of the US beer culture.

So here enters the American brewery, Three Floyd's, with their Berliner Weisse, I <3 Deesko.  Traditionally, Berliner Weissse is served with a shot of raspberry syrup (ein Rotes), a shot of woodruff syrup (ein Grünes), or any other flavored syrup (mit Schuss).  At their brewery, Three Floyd's carries on this tradition as well, a tradition that is definitely warranted.

This "sour" is not for the uninitiated.  I personally would not call Berliner Weisse a sour.  It is a tart ale, but a sour, ehh debatable.  Napolean called it the "champagne of the north."  He also said, "Woman are nothing but machines for producing children," so take his word at face value.  I <3 Deesko took the tart aspect and ran with it, stripping this yeasty Weisse away of it's fruit and effervescence into a death metal scream of sour punch.

Which I am definitely okay with.

The strong sour and apple vinegar, lemon peel notes from this brew push it more to the Gueuze Lambic side of tart beers (See my previous post about those delicious Belgian Sours).  That and it smelled like a sweaty hobo, to which Professor Beer responded with, "You have experience in that?"...maybe, but nose, mouthfeel, and clairty aside, the yaup of the sour beast of pestilence and doom turned this light summer beer to 11.

Which, again, I am definitely okay with.

With "Freigeist Bierkultur (Free spirit Beer Culture)" bucking the Reinheitsgebot and pulling pages from their Belgian neighbors and American beer anarchy, there is momentum.  For the new wave of German brewers to be successful, they face the same problems independent brewers did by convincing consumers that premium beers are worth the extra cost, as well as dealing with, or working with competition from the traditional Brauhaus and nano-breweries that litter Fanconia and communities throughout Germany.

If I were to rate this as a Berliner Weisse, I would give it a 2, but as an American Sour, I would totally make this the 4th Horseman of the Sourpocalypse

*Caveat: I realize this statement and some of the tone makes me sound like an elitist asshole.  Some of which I will own up to and some may be do to slight hyperbole as part of my narrative and sardonic wit.  I don't dislike Germans or their beer history to which most of the world stands on, its just that the punk in me is just frustrated that a country with such a rich history of brewing is stymied the same way Americans are.  I don't want to alienate German readers, but put down that Beck's and let's talk this out, brah.

The Big Guy: Damn I love this beer. El Duque said a lot... so DAMN I LOVE THIS BEER. Probably going to get into my favorites of the year.








Professor Beer:  Unfortunately I wasn't able to catch this beer on tap at Three Floyds (with the syrups), but I was able to grab a few bottles.  To me it tasted more like a traditional sour than a Berliner Weisse, but either way it was great.

Barrel Aged Maibock

I live only a few miles away from Sun King Brewery, but I don't really take advantage of this awesome local resource, like some people named The Big Guy, who I swear has a mole on the inside.  The alacrity with which he snags all of their special releases is envy inducing and totally not fair.

So when I was able to snag Sun Kings Barrel Aged Maibock on tap before he could, I considered it a personal, if childish, success.  SUCK IT BIG GUY

It was late April (so technically not May) and spring had broken and I love a good Maibock.  The Bavarians, being the beer nerds that they are, always paired their seasons with the type of beers they brewed.  Fall begins the Starkbierzeit, or strong beer time.  The dark 8%-12% bocks are rolled out to hunker down for the alpine winters.  In the Summer, Americans are very familiar with Munich's Helles blonde beers that are served by the stein and easily quaffed with friends sharing a sense of Gemütlichkeit, that feeling of bright euphoria wrapping around friends that are warmed by good beer where time doesn't exist.

The transition between those two very distinct styles is the Maibock.  Pale malts, lots of hops, and noticeable alcohol are the perfect transition when people are ready to shed their cabin fever, but not warm enough yet to enjoy a good garden party on a syrupy summer night.

Maibocks are great and although I am not a big fan of this whole bourbon barrel panacea trend, I was exceptionally pleased with the outcome.  It took those sweet whiskey notes from the barrel and paired them well with the booziness that comes with a Maibock.  Even though it was aged four months, the aggressively hopped bock shined with a wonderful German hop finish.  Hoppy, sweet, light and boozey.  It was a perfect mouthful.

I give it a 4.5.  Before I had Founders Doom and the other aged IPA iterations this spring, I probably would have only given it a 4, but seeing how Sun King was able to punch their hops through, which I think is pretty difficult for four months of aging, it gets an extra half point for execution.  I hope to see this again next May!  Der Maibock is ausgezeichnet!

The Big Guy: I had this one at a tap takeover at Chatham Tap in Fishers a little while back. I thought it was outstanding;. Unlike El Duque I love the barrel aged beers. I am pretty sure I would drink bourbon barrel aged Miller Lite and be pretty happy. I had never had a maibock when I first tried it, but it was described to me as May's version of an Oktoberfest, and I dug that. This brew had bright hoppy flavors, mixed with big boozy heat and some great barrel aged sweetness. I really don't appreciating you telling the guys at SK that I have their warehouse bugged, it might get me in trouble. Anyway, I give this delicious spring treat a 4.5 as well.

The Devil Made Me Do It!!!

This fiendish brew's full title is: "The Devil Made Me Do It Coffee Imperial Oatmeal Porter."  A name whose length Dickens would be proud of, and yes, I did want to humbly ask, "Can I have some more, sir?"

This beer is crazy.  Crazy smart.  All the flavors complement each other well.  This is probably the most approachable of their Brewer's Gone Wild Series.

Like all of Tyranena's Brewer's Gone Wild Series, the beers always start with a good backbone.  It is a solid porter before you fill it full of delicious things.  It smelled divine.  Dark chocolate, roasted coffee, earthyness.  It's pitch black filled the glass intimidatingly, but went down easy with no fight.  Bold chocolate and coffee oozed out from the beginning, and folded into cream, burnt caramel, and oat.  There was a boozy burn the whole way through which complemented such a velvety mouth to the beer.

If you're a fan of porters, or a dark beer that is more flavor than chewy, this is a solid stand out.  It's not as funky or "wild" as I would like to see out of this series, but it's a solid beer.

I give it a 4.

Weigh in:  O-Dawg

Its just so damn good!  El Duque hit most of it all on the head, but I will paraphrase my taste of this delectable brew.  Burnt coffee nose.  Silky chocolate.  Fizzy finish.  Coats the mouth with coffee and coco.  Just a little spice heat at the close.

I have to Eco the Dolphin El Duque this time around, 4.

New Galarus

I've been hearing some great things about New Galarus and when my friend's, uh, paramour, decided to visit him from Wisconsin, I was able to benefit from his boon and get my hands on New Galarus' Black Top and Coffee Stout, until I realized that maybe my introduction to a brewery shouldn't be done with two styles that give me angst headaches.

Coffee Stout: I remember when Coffee Stouts were scoffed at as being one of those beers whose ingredients (even though it makes sense that they should go together) seemed so anathema to the style of a classic old world brew.  As craft brewing slowly, ahem, percolated through bars and stores, the popularity of coffee as the American drink, as well as the wonderful palate synergy created with the coffee, hops, and malts, made a smooth, easily accessible beer.  Now it almost seems a given that when I order a flight, or look at a brewery's typical offerings, a coffee stout is going to be there. 

Enter New Galarus' attempt:

With popularity, comes volume.  When you increase the the volume of what you are offering, people tend to use the metaphor, "watered down."  With New Galarus' Coffee Stout, I mean it literally, so I will not even bother with giving you the anecdote of my tasting and will just issue these few points: 1.) With sooooo many good coffee stouts to make your genitals tingle and brain buzz (i.e. Founder's KBS, CBS, or regular old Breakfast Stout, or heck, even the local Broad Ripple Brewpub's Strange Broux Brew is jaw dropping) why would you need to produce a coffee stout, especially as lack luster as this one is?  2.) I understand that being approachable is part of a successful brewery, but a stout is already approachable.  If Guinness poured from a Leprechaun's teat, people would call him "Mommy" and like it.  Don't make it worse by offering a thin, stout background with an even watery coffee overtone.  What happens when you make weak coffee at work?  PEOPLE DIE.

I give the Coffee Stout a 2

Black Top:  I really would like to get off this soap box dripping with metaphor and angst, but... I just can't.  Black Top just had to be a Black IPA.  The most ill defined of all the "American" styles and by far the weirdest to be popular.  The citrus, pine, and floral notes you get from the hops in IPAs just don't play well with the dark malts used in these beers.  Also, what makes a "good Black IPA?"  Once, when asked by a friend to explain the difference between a Black IPA and a regular IPA and my response was, "Well, ya know, malts and like a dark malt backbone, but, uh, ya know, bright hops, and, uh, fuck it THIS ONE IS BROWN AND THAT ONE IS NOT."

So, in frustrated conclusion, I liked this brown colored IPA.  I give this hoppy chameleon a shifty-eyed 3.5